I wonder why I get so many visits from perverts? It's not as if I'm forever banging on about pounding, drilling, asian babes, hardcore and that.
It's like you can't believe anything you read on the intertubes anymore. Why, just today as our bus circled the Lizzie Brice roundabout in Livingston, I wondered WTF is/was Lizzie Brice? So I googled her and found that she was burned at the stake as the last witch in Scotchland. She died of old age in 1865 aged 89, so there wouldn't have been much to burn.
Oh, but hang on. The last witch in Scotland was burned at the stake in 1722. Or possibly in 1657. Or in 1727. Or what about Helen Duncan, who was convicted of witchcraft in 1944? That's the thing about witches, they won't stay dead.
The reason we were in Livingston was to visit our Eldest Grandson. Had a nice meal, went for a wander round the shops. Nipped into Wetherspoons to get a cup of tea, a
"Er, yes, but what's that got to do with it? I'm not buying alcohol after all."
"Doesn't matter, the law says that because these are licensed premises, if one of you is under 18 then I can only serve you if you're buying at least one meal."
Aye, right. So we went next door to the licensed Chicago Rock Cafe, with EG in tow, walked up to the bar and bought our drinks with no trouble whatsoever.
Funny, that.
Stay tuned for Farty's Friday Chart, coming your way in just over half an hour. I'm off to watch Charlotte Church.
Toot toot!
