I seem to have accrued rather a lot of snippets, so I'll just rattle off my wit and wisdom. Shouldn't take long.
Firstly, there's the story of the six-foot Canadian. Insert Heather Mills joke here.
Q. What does "ironic" mean?
A. Wrong.
Stereogram photos. Remember those Magic Eye pictures where you had to cross or uncross your eyes to see a 3-D image, and give yourself a thumping headache in the process? You can get the same effect by placing similar photos side by side. More on this in a later post.
If there is no spoon, how am I supposed to eat this soup?
I for one welcome our new Dalek overlords. No, wait. That's not been broadcast yet. Remember, last chance to enter the Summer Caption Competition.
Someone has proven that any Rubik's Cube can be solved in 23 moves. Someone should get a life.
Still resisting the allure of Big Brother. From what I've overheard, I'm not missing much.
Jack Spratt could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean. They were veggies.
Two blondes in the Weeg (Glasgow) are looking up at the moon.
First blonde: "Which do ye think is further away, Embra or the moon?"
Second blonde: "Helloooooooo? Can you even see Embra?"
Oxymoron: Scientifically proven (scientists can only disprove hypotheses).
Finally, tomorrow is the summer solstice, the anniversary of a sad event in my life. This piece of music somehow seems appropriate:
How's my drivelling?