Queen Faces Sacking

The Queen was last night facing calls for her abdication after referring to a Labour politician as a "dreadful little oik" on her Facebook page.

Off With His Head

Her Majesty is believed to have called for the summary execution of Peter White, Labour candidate for Havering council, after a brief show trial for treason against the Crown.

"One cannot have these dreadful little oiks running around calling one a German parasite," said The Queen, 83. "Throw him in the Tower and make an example of him. Let's have him hung, drawn and quartered, like that Guy Fawkes chap, then hold a public holiday to celebrate the event. That would cheer one up immensely."

All Sound and Fury

Mr C. Windsor, a resident of Clarence House, London, described Her Majesty's attitude as "totally unacceptable", insisting that "Mumsy, er, that is The Queen, should stand down and let me, er, someone more in touch with one's subjects, take his rightful place on the throne. And Camilla agrees."