Saint Andrew, patron saint of Scotchland, was one of the busier saints. In between sainting and that, he single-handedly built the Scotch town of St Andrews in the kingdom of Fife.
A keen amateur chemist, he invented Andrews Liver Salts, a popular remedy for a hangover in the days before Irn Bru.
When he heard that St Patrick had outdone him by driving all the snakes out of Oireland, this made St Andrew cross.
So he went to Elgin, thirty miles from Inverness, for a game of marbles to help him relax.
But he decided that marbles were too small to play with, so he invented golf - well, we all make mistakes. And it was while out practising his swing that he accidentally sliced his shot (whatever that means, I wouldn't know, golf is a stupid game) and killed a haggis.
"Waste not, want not," thought the resourceful saint, so he peeled, cooked and ate the tasty little creature. Which is why we Scotch celebrate St Andrew's Day by eating haggis, QED. Om nom nom nom!
