Firstly, there's the story of the six-foot Canadian. Insert Heather Mills joke here.
Q. What does "ironic" mean?
A. Wrong.
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If there is no spoon, how am I supposed to eat this soup?
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Someone has proven that any Rubik's Cube can be solved in 23 moves. Someone should get a life.
Still resisting the allure of Big Brother. From what I've overheard, I'm not missing much.
Jack Spratt could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean. They were veggies.
Two blondes in the Weeg (Glasgow) are looking up at the moon.
First blonde: "Which do ye think is further away, Embra or the moon?"
Second blonde: "Helloooooooo? Can you even see Embra?"
Oxymoron: Scientifically proven (scientists can only disprove hypotheses).
Finally, tomorrow is the summer solstice, the anniversary of a sad event in my life. This piece of music somehow seems appropriate:
How's my drivelling?