And you thought Peterhead was funny?
Spelling was optional when Scotland's national breakfast dish, porridge, porage or possibly parritch was invented.
The super-energy boosting tartan porridge was officially banned by the Sassenachs at a quarter to six, after they got fed up with being invaded by the big, burly, powerful Scotch; today's porridge is, by comparison, just a thin gruel and provides only basic sustenance - enough for caber-tossing, hammer-throwing and that but sadly not for invading England.
(Of course, the Scotch didn't spend all day every day attacking the English, sometimes we
Bony Prince Charlie is said to have scarpered back to France (boo!) after losing interest in reclaiming our rightful throne. Apparently he was more interested in dressing up in women's clothes and pretending to be a laydee. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
The Scotch are confident about their sexuality and have embraced the notion of transgender marriages for centuries. Indeed, there are even some island groups named after Scotchmen who have come out of the closet (Outer He-brides) and those who have yet to emerge (Inner He-brides).
There is no clear evidence to show whether the Loch Ness Monster is male or female. The only reliable first-hand description of Nessie can be found about two minutes into this clip:
Anyone adventurous enough to try to discover Nessie's sexual orientation is more than welcome to visit Loch Ness for themselves. Note that the local hotels insist on cash in advance.
1 Vegetarians eat vegetables. Do try to keep up.
