So. We've
bought found a diamond and had it cut, polished and graded. Now we need to have it set in a ring, so we head in the general direction of Cape Town.
Cango Caves
They're deep, dark and mysterious. No way in hell is Mrs Farty going in there. Time for me to boldly go where
ten thousand tourists no-one has gone before. Pretty. Dark. Especially when the guide turns out all the lights just to show us how
DARK it is a kilometre underground. Yep.
Really dark. So dark that you have to feel your way around.
"Hey, get your hand off my butt!" Perfick!
Cheetahs & Ostriches
There's a cheetah
farm conservation reserve in Oudtshoorn not far from Cango Caves. It's great, you get to stroll around in a raised walkway fenced off above the animals, and if you're very lucky (and over 16), they'll even let you in to pet the cheetahs. Imagine stroking a Harley Davidson that's been upholstered in fur. And in all the years it's been operating, only one
stupid bitch has ever had her arm torn off.
"Is it safe?"
"Oh, yes,
it's perfectly safe."
"Argh! Argh! Get it off me!"
"Whereas
you're not."
Cats.
And burds.
Ostriches
After you've fed the ostriches, count your rings.
More kittehs
After you've fed the cheetahs, count your fingers.
And crocodiles.
After you've fed the crocs, count your friends.
Oops run out of post. Cape Town next, promise!
They're deep, dark and mysterious. No way in hell is Mrs Farty going in there. Time for me to boldly go where 
